So yesterday ended up pretty well. I was tired from nicotine deprivation, and I fell asleep on the couch at 9:30. I usually go to bed about 11:30, so big difference.
I get up this morning, no real big cravings. I grab my wallet from on top of the fridge, and staring me in the face is a pack of Marlb Lights with probably six smokes left. I picked them up, then threw them back down. Finished getting ready for work, went to walk out the door and stopped. I went back grabbed a smoke, and got in the car.
So I lit it up, and smoked the whole damned thing on the way to work. Funny thing is, I didn't get the rush I was expecting. I was hoping for that killer buzz you get after laying off nicotine for a day. It actually pissed me off! I guess this medicine works after all!
Then the guilt started in. Why the f*** did I smoke that? I didn't get any enjoyment out of it whatsoever. So now I've just restarted the process as of about 7:45AM. Whatever. I'm smoke free again, and I've told my wife to make those cigarettes on the fridge disappear. I had to try one, and it sucked, so off we go.
..and thanks for the comments folks. I was honestly blogging this for myself, but glad you found it. None of my family or friends know about this blog. It doesn't bother me if they find it, but I'm not going out of my way to tell them about it. Thank you all for your kind words and support. I'll venture around and look at your blogs too.
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2 comments:
Glad that you are just jumping right back into your quit. That's the most important thing and way more useful to you than beating yourself with guilt or just letting one little thing turn into way more. I love your attitude. You made it long enough to know that you can do this, so just keep going!
Thanks Maggie. Appreciate the support.
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